Frida's cafe

Leaving a child behind to search for the

American Dream must be the most complex and painful decision a mother would ever make.

For a very long time, I didn’t understand why my mother left me behind in El Salvador under the care of my grandmother when I was just 2 years old. I didn’t know why I was so far away while she had a new family with a husband and her new kids in the United States. I was with my Grandmother, without my mother, father, and no siblings. I didn’t quite understand that sacrifice and how difficult it must have been for her to leave her two children behind to have a better in the United States. She had a better life without me.  I was very angry because I thought she didn’t love me the same way she loved her new children.

Leaving a child in a home country to migrate to another happens very often. Families must separate due to their home countries’ lack resources and options. It is unfortunate to have to make these decisions but necessary for survival.

We do not come to this country for an extended vacation or to take away jobs from anyone. We come to this country to find better opportunities we couldn’t get in our countries.  It hurts like hell to leave our homes, families, and children behind, but we must do it to survive and provide for our loved ones.

When my mother arrived in this country, she found a job, married, and had two children. Thanks to amnesty, she obtained residency for my brother and me. My mother and I reunited in December of 1992.

I arrived in this country with the fantasy of the perfect family I always wanted. I imagined the ideal relationship with my mother, but my youth and rebellion kept me from many things. My mother was a stranger to me. I’ve never lived with her and didn’t know who she was. My mind knew she was my mother, but my heart rejected the idea. I felt awkward, out of place, and alone during that time. I missed my grandmother tremendously; all I wanted to do was return home to her arms. I wasn’t home, and that wasn’t my family.

Some rebel against their parents and do everything they can to go against them. On the other hand, some will do everything they can to be the perfect kid, the ideal student, so that mom and dad feel proud.

I blamed my mother for deciding to leave me with my grandmother for a very long time. I was very angry and felt rejected. Fortunately, things have changed, and with time I’ve let go of that anger and become my Mother’s friend.  The scars will always be there but I consciously decided not to allow them to control my life or the relationship I could develop with my mother. I’ve concluded that our relationship will never be like the fantasy I had as a little girl. I’ve let go of that idea. Our friendship has brought us together and helped us eliminate the distance that once separated us.

I thank my mother for making that life-changing decision.

I thank her for being so strong and courageous.

I thank her for supporting each crazy idea I come up with, even if she doesn’t quite get it.
I thank her for allowing me to fly and never holding me back.

I thank her for being a powerful force in my life.

I thank her for never giving up on her children and for her unconditional love.

My destiny changed the day she decided to bring me to this country.

I thank her for allowing me to sleep by her side every day after my mother left.

I thank her for all the affection and for making me feel loved.

I thank her for caring for me when I was sick or wounded.

I thank her for protecting me when we tried to flee from the war

I thank her for being the only person who really sees my spirit as is and still sees me as her Negra (the dark girl)

The American dream has its sacrifices but also unique opportunities and blessings. My Mother’s sacrifice was not in vain, and I will forever be grateful for her courage despite her pain.

This post is for my Mother, Dora Sanchez, and my grandmother Antonio Luisa Villalobos for being powerful, strong, and the best Mothers AND fathers I could have ever wished for.