Frida's cafe

Is it ever just sex?

I have asked this question to women and men and the answer can vary.  Some men say it can be for them (not all the time) and wish it were the same for some women. Some women say they could and in my opinion pretend it would be easy to just sleep with someone and move on (or maybe not!).

Is it just sexual?

My take on it, I think there are women, not many, who can be masters at separating the emotion from the just “sexual connection” especially if they do not find the man attractive otherwise. In some cases there may just have great sexual chemistry but everything else lacks.  The conversations aren’t that interesting, physical connection is not all that great, no intellect or personality. This case is rare when the feeling its mutual and both the man and woman agree its just “sex”. In most cases, one person is always bound to have a greater interest/feelings for the other and that’s when it becomes more than just sex (at least for one person).

Separating sex and emotion, is it that easy?

Some men say its easier for them to separate the emotion from sex but I think some pretend they do to keep their man hood up to part to what “society” says a man should or shouldn’t do.  There are men that can and will get caught up on the emotion or expectation of something more when the woman may just be thinking “sex.” And of course, she will be judged and crucified for wanting just that. The man on the other hand may be praised for his conquer. The excuse, boys will be boys and that’s just what they are supposed to do, right. But is it?

I know there are men that do want more than just sex or physical connection. I know there are men who refuse to give in to the idea that they are not emotional means as women are. This doesn’t make them less of a man.

Attraction, sex and boundaries…

I think there has to be an attraction already established before sex even happens. The sex can be spontaneous and unplanned but there’s always a root, a beginning and a reason for it. Mutual attraction draws both to that point of sexual connection. You may have become attracted to this person without even realizing or wanting to accept there was something else there. Most of the time this happens with friends, co-workers and/or acquaintances. You may be afraid to cross the boundary of no return and you try to play it safe to avoid ruining what’s already established. 

Oh, shit! What just happened?

But what happens when you find yourself in a perfect setting, moment and place? Do you take a chance and live the moment and don’t even think about it? Could that be dangerous? Can it be reckless? Could it be good? Pleasurable? Exciting? Could it be more? Possibilities will always be endless, risks will always be there and shit will always happen. Men and women have been making relationships way to damn complicated for too long. I get stressed just re reading this post because it shouldn’t be.  Talk about it!!  There has to be communication and set boundaries for whatever happens before or in some cases after the, “oh, shit! What just happened? 

Simple is always better.

You can go with the flow; try to read signals and be confused all you want but a simple conversation will avoid all of that. Don’t try to guess how the other person is feeling because you may be completely wrong. Do respect the person, their feelings and emotions by simply being honest and asking. You have to understand and respect where that person is from the start because they may not necessarily be where YOU are or where YOU want them to be.  For some it may just be sex, but for you it may be something more or vice versa. Put all the cards out and lay ground rules before emotions take over. The act of sex will always be the same, the meaning for each individual its what makes it something different.